They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
