Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
