...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
