Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
