I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
