i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
