Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
