Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
