Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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