I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I die, sorry about rent.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
