The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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