I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do vagina's smell?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
