After last night, I could never be a politician.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
