dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
