I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
