We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So squirting runs in the family.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
