Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
