Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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