Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
