Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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