Swine flu. Run for my life!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
