I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
