Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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