But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
