its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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