Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
