Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
