True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The Olympian is in my bed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
