my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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