don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
