How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
