Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
