the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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