yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
