You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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