NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
