Acid is not a monday night drug
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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