her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
