my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
