It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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