We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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