What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
