Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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