Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
