Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
