he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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