Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
