You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
