Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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