i think i have herpe
just one?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
