I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
