we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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