ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
