it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
