the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
