alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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