so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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