it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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