Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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