Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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