People with herpes should wear stickers.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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