Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
