I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
