She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
