she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
