Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
