So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
