Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
