I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
