I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
