Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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